“I’ve given you a new identity.”

Well, its that time again. Its the time when I anxiously try to blog about my past year because I have done such a terrible job keeping up my blog. So I am going to take you month by month through this past year.  (Just a disclaimer: I am a totally different person now than I was at the beginning of the year. If I am not very descriptive of the early months, it is because I choose not to reflect on those months.)

January: What can I say about January? I really don’t want to think about it. I started college. North Metro Tech… I am still there, and I am still not a fan of that school. I got to see my dearest Carissa. I turned 18. Woo… Kayla, Elise and I went to Savannah to visit Trisha, Mark, and Trey. That really was a fun trip. I enjoyed going with the girls to one of my favorite places. In January, I spent a lot of my time (and money for that matter) going to concerts. It was really silly though, because I hated concerts and I hated the type of music that was played at these concerts. I was just going along with what everyone else was doing. My heart was a mess. Too many mixed emotions. I was going to church. I thought I was living on fire for God. I was experiencing a lot of emptiness though. I had the head-knowledge that God loved me, but I never really heard him. There was no evidence of Him in my life. Where was He?

February: Looking back on this month, I can just see that God was really paving the way in this month. There is nothing too distinct from this month, but He started bringing people in my life that would challenge and change me. I really don’t remember much from this month. The Lord was doing a transformation, and I only see that in retrospect. I had no idea what he was about to do.

March: Again, God is just doing a work on my heart during this time and I didn’t even know it. My group of friends start to change. I go from concerts to praying in my friend’s basement. Might I also add that I thought I didn’t have a legalistic mindset. Haha… A lot of my weekends are spent in Savannah! Its the best! I also ventured out and tried out another college group. I really liked this group, echo, but its not for me. I think God used that to open my eyes to new things. I also think it was the month of March that I felt the Lord calling me to work with children. So I switched from my Visual Communications major to Early Childhood Education. Yay!

April: What a good month! Dossy and I just became such good friends. It rocks. God started revealing a lot  to me during this month. The Holy Spirit was just drawing me in! He started teaching me about His power and our authority as Christians. I also started becoming more comfortable with myself. I realized that I was not myself anymore. Now I question, if I ever had my own identity. I say that because I find that my identity in the past has just been collaboration of many different people or influences. While most of my friends were heading to Jamaica over Spring Break, I headed to Savannah. I was really unsure of why God was not letting me go. That is something that I did not discover for a few months after. Looking back, it is a blessing because my heart would have been too attached to people and emotions. Consequently, I would have then ignored God’s voice telling me what to do next. 

May: The month of May was the turning point. I do not really know how I got where I was, but God does. All I know is that I became aware of the fact that I had become very complacent and comfortable in my faith… or lack of might I say. God showed me that there was more to a life with Christ than what I had been experiencing. My eyes were opened to bigger things. Bigger God things. Its all very odd. Its all very much God, being God. I was at  a place in my life where I should be seemingly happy. I have lots and lots of friends. I am very active in my church… even on the verge of taking on more service opportunities. However, where was that fire? The fire some of my friends had… the fire I had just been introduced to… Then, I just felt stuck… stagnate. I had to chase that fire. I had to find it. I had to figure it out. (Again I say this all in retrospect. I was very much oblivious to what God was about to do in my life). I visited Riverstone church on Mother’s Day. I saw passion and understanding in children that I had never experienced in my lifetime. Since that Sunday, I have considered Riverstone my home. In the month of May, my best friend Kayla got in a serious car wreck. I was able to witness the miracle that happened in her. God saved her life that night and I have watched her grow as a confident and beautiful daughter of the king ever since. She is such an encouragement. 

“Anthony… Moustache!” 

June: Allie and I were able to go to Savannah. I am just so grateful for Dossy. She was right there with me during this time. She was experiencing the same change that I was. I KNOW I would not be where I am right now, had it not been for her presence and reassurance. It was so wonderful to have an accountability partner, and to have someone to be honest with. I cannot hide anything from you. It kinda isn’t cool sometimes hahaha. You are like a mom in that aspect. Speaking of people who have changed my life, Timothy and Todd. I love you two. Timothy, your wisdom, insight and encouragement kept me pursuing and chasing after Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Also, your book references helped out a lot too Todd, your offensive and loving beliefs broke my spirit of legalism and opened my eyes to all that a life filled with the Holy Spirit can be.  It was the month of June when the Lord just rocked my face off. I went to Jesus Culture. I got weirded out. It was glorious. That was my first encounter with zealous students wanting to love on people by the power of the Holy Spirit. Might I also add, I was able to witness healing prayer for a guy who did not have a leg. It grew. Yeah! Come on Lord! He had a foot… and to top it off, He even had toenails too. That was partially an open door to crazy supernatural things. Its awesome! Our God is awesome! I will also add that Shelly dearest came into town that month. I love that girl! When leaving the airport Doss and I did not get lost! Success!

July: The Stink turns one! You don’t really understand how smitten and obsessed I am with this kid. He has so much personality. He is not a shy kid. I love just watching how he grows… Child Development is very exciting to me. This kid just rocks. He is so much cooler than me. Ha! 

In this month the desire for holiness stirred within me. I started questioning what I was filling myself with. I can say this now as it has been six months since then, my heart has transformed through this. Before I was content listening and watching things of this world. After being without it a few months, I have realized, I don’t need it. I used to have a slight (or not so slight) obsession with John Mayer. My favorite television show was the Office. My favorite movies were stuffed full of filth. Out of my mouth was the product of what was in my head. What was in my head was what was filling my time. I am not trying to say that these things are bad, but for me, I was being hindered in my relationship with God. Its something I didn’t even notice was happening. One verse that really inspired me to holiness is Ephesians 5:8-11. It reads, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” God, through his grace, saved me from darkness. I now walk in His light. I love Him. I want to do what pleases my Father. If the Holy Spirit dwells inside of us, He deserves the best. He wants light, not darkness. Simply put.

August:

Oh the wilderness. Do you ever feel dry? Like you are so far from God? Oh dark night of the soul! 

“I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer.” Song of Songs 5:6

Spiritually, I was so dry. I have just gone through a HUGE transformation. I have switched churches. I have stepped out on a limb. I don’t know what I am doing. I am HUNGRY! I want more!!! But I cannot get more. I am lovesick- faint with love. My faith was being tested and tried. I knew the Lord was there, but I had nothing to back it up. I was just being stripped of everything, while I felt all alone. I am so thankful for the resources and messages that were brought to my attention to help and encourage me through this time. Two messages come to mind, “Fellowship of the Suffering” and “The Father Heart of God.” Both are by Billy Humphrey, from IHOP Atlanta. They really encouraged me in this journey. It opened me up to knowing that God delights in me!!! Just let that soak in! 

“You are mine, and that’s enough.”

September:

September just continued this season of searching and seeking. The Lord brought more people and messages into my life to encourage and strengthen me. It is truly a blessing to be at the church I am at and know the strong men and women of God that I get to join the journey with. 

During this time, I remember one Sunday morning. Tom had been talking about the deception of Satan. That is something that I was struggling with. Praying and letting the father love me, out of the blue, God called me to fight abortion. It was the most RANDOM and clearest thing ever. So I researched it and found some organizations, one being Bound 4 Life. By this point, I am starting to learn more about and love IHOP! 

Went to the lovely Charleston, South Carolina with my dear Kayla Johnson! I loved Charleston!!!! I wouldn’t mind if the Lord called me there. 

The flood. Oh goodness. 

October:

This was a time of growing in intimacy with the Lord. Though I was still in the “dry” place, I knew my beloved was there, so I continued to search Him out! Its easier said than done. It was definitely a very emotional time. Lots of tears of frustration and joy. My dearest friend who has always been such an encouragement to me, Naomi, left for Mozambique. The Sunday before she left, a dear friend of hers gave me a word from the Lord that the next three months would bring peace, in contrast from the previous eight months. Looking back, that was absolutely correct. I also took that time to go on a dating fast. No, I wasn’t dating or close to dating anyone (and I still am not), It was a time to focus my attention and desire to where it rightfully belongs. I definitely failed, but He loves me and likes me despite my failures. I have seen in these three months since then, I have a different mindset towards dating… marriage.. etc. My heart belongs to the Lord. Also in the month of October, the Holy Spirit came in new ways, and that was an encouragement. Shaba! 

Glorious night going to Daystar Prophetic Night and bringing the glory to WAHO.

What a wonderful wonderful weekend with beautiful women of God! I love these ladies. So much!

November:

Giving Thanks! I am so thankful for the path the Lord has brought me through. I am thankful for my  parents who have supported and encouraged decisions and paths that I have taken. I am so thankful for Trish and the example that she is and has always been in my life. I know she is always there for me. For Mark and the leadership and faith that he has. For the Stink- He provides so much joy in my life. I am so thankful that I am going to have a niece in March! Yay for girl stuff!!! I am so gracious for the friends the Lord has blessed me with. It is so encouraging to have friends who have the same vision (The Kingdom) as I do, and to know that they are there to challenge and encourage me. I am beyond blessed to be in the church that I am. The spirit of the Lord is there, as is freedom! Thank you Jesus! I am so thankful for my job! It is a joy to go to work everyday. I always have some fun stories. 

December:

December was different. Lots of new things. Lots of joy. Lots of freedom. Lots of love. 

There was a lot of family time, which I love! Seriously, that is my favorite thing about Christmas! I love seeing and spending time with family. It makes my heart smile. 

I am trying to remember December.  Haha. 

Christmas was nice. I went to Savannah and had a lovely time. It was great to spend time with Trish, Mark and Trey. Then we had Christmas. It was different this year. I didn’t really feel the Christmas “spirit.” I think that is kinda an Americanized term. I am not meaning to offend. The holidays do bring joy, but Christmas is a time to remember the gift – that is JESUS! I am not saying this to boast or lift myself up, but this was the first Christmas that I was not wanting a specific gift or really excited about receiving presents. My heart was to focus on the love of the Father, in sending His son. I want to keep that mindset in future Christmas seasons. 

Then I went to ONETHING!!! My lovely new best friend Sarah, who just rocks, kept kinda bugging me to go. So, I figured… Why not?! I had been watching the Awakening that had been happening at IHOP, and it got me very excited to go. Let me just say, it was an amazing experience. I have been to conferences in the past, and none were like this. I have never even been to a church service like this. The speakers were great, as was the music; however, It’s not exactly what was said or sung that moved my heart. The Holy SPirit came. We called upon Him and He came! Each night I had a different experience with Him. My emotions changed. My heart transformed. I turned weirder than I thought I was before. Freedom through His love. That is the only way I know how to describe it.  

The surprise going away party for our dear friend Ryan! “Just one more time!”

Trip one of four to the amazing forerunner bookstore!

Beautiful Radical B Jonesy and Sarah Bearah! I love these two so much! They are fierce and powerful women of God! 

Sheelly got baptized and just messed up!!! This girl is weird! I love it! and I love her!!!!

Its a new year. I don’t have any resolutions. I am just on a journey, in a battle, seeking after the most high God!!! 

One night at a friend’s house, while watching the webstream from IHOP, and just letting the Lord speak to me, He just said, “I have given you a new identity.” As He said this, I saw a picture of a faceless me. 

That, I guess, is my resolution. I am letting the Lord give me a new identity, and discovering who I am in Him. Its a beautiful thing. He is gracious and lovely. I want to be like Him.

There are many things I am excited about: Knowing the great I am, knowing who I am, and letting the Lord use me however he pleases!

{Rain} I’ve only just begun to worship Him.

September 21, 2009

Please excuse the jumble of statements that may appear, I want to write, but I have no idea what about. I am writing as it comes. Father, give my words clarity. 

As I am listening to it storm, my heart is comforted. I am reading everyone’s status of how they are tired of all this rain and the flooding that it has caused, but I fear that I am a bit strange when I say, I LOVE IT! Keep it coming Lord! I am taking this rain as a reminder of his faithfulness. This morning, Tom started a series called “Calling All Dreamers.” He mentioned Noah and the ark, and the fact that everyone thought he was crazy, because there was no rain. Noah acted upon his faith and his belief that God would express his devotion and fulfill his promise. 
In my own life, I am waiting for “rain.” I am in what you could call the wilderness stage. I feel the Lord is putting me into this time of struggle. I can’t describe it but Song of Songs and Hosea can!
Song of Songs 5:6,8
“I opened for my lover; but my lover had left; he was gone. 
My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. 
I called him but he did not answer. “
“O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you- if you find my lover what will you tell him?
Tell Him I am faint with love.”

Hosea 2:14-16, 19-20
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth as in the day she came up out of Egypt. “In that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband;’ you will no longer call me my master.” I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice; in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the Lord.”

I am in this place for a reason. This morning as we looked at Mark 4:13-20, and the different soil/heart. The shallow heart specifically, got me. I just want to jump into everything. In my own timing obviously. When I first started learning about the Holy Spirit and how AWESOME he is, I wanted to jump right into it. I am very passionate, and a little rash and extemporaneous sometimes. In this “shallow heart” stage or season, there is suffering. However, it was such a strong statement, Tom said, If you are going through difficulty he has seen character that he can trust, so that he can use you. He is going to take us into that difficulty, and he is going to shake what can be shaken and use what is unshakable. Yeah! Strong! (He is also calling us into a deeper and more intimate understanding of Him through this suffering! But thats another awesome story!) During ministry time, I was told that God might have small things that he wants for me to receive, before I get the BIG thing! One of these “small things” has been the unfathomable truth that He delights in us! He loves AND likes us! He finds pleasure in us! A few weeks ago, some friends and I were just having time with the Lord! It was awesome! He showed up in a basement in big ways! That night, I felt very distant from him at first, and I was experiencing an array of emotions. Ps. 84:1-2 “How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God!” My heart was just aching and longing and he just spoke over me, “You are mine, and thats enough.” WOW! Shut up! Can He get any better?! Since then God has just been reiterating that throughout my life. He has done this with different messages, people, and verses… 
Psalm 139:1-7, 13-14
O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Song of Songs 5:2
“….Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one”

Ephesians 1:3-6
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will- to the praise of his glorious grace which he has freely given us in the One he loves. “
Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion— 
to bestow on them a crown of beauty 
instead of ashes, 
the oil of gladness 
instead of mourning, 
and a garment of praise 
instead of a spirit of despair. 
They will be called oaks of righteousness, 
a planting of the LORD 
for the display of his splendor.

During this wilderness time, it has been tiring. I have grown weary. Its been emotional. I am ready to be over it, but now I am not necessarily looking to get out of it, just through it. (Another powerful statement from this morning! Man I am immensely blessed to be where I am!) I am still struggling in the acting on the faith that I will not always be in the wilderness. This is just the beginning. Just like one of my new favorite songs says, “I’ve only just begun to worship him!” He has so much more in store for His kingdom, and I can’t wait to see where he chooses to place me. This is just a season. 
What do I do from here? Keep seeking! 
Ephesians 5:10
(Live as children of light) “and find out what pleases the Lord.”
Just like in Hosea 6:3, where it says, “Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” As surely as the rain comes, I know He will return. 

Joel 2:12-13, 19, 23
“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with ALL your hear, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love and he relents from sending calamity.
The Lord will reply to them:
“I am sending you grain, new wine and oil, enough to satisfy you fully; never again will I make you an object of scorn to the nations.”
“Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.”

Dead Skin.

August 7, 2009

(Yes, that is a very gross note title, but I have to write what the Lord gave me.)

The other day, I was thinking about what I used to be like spiritually. Just a few months ago, I was comfortable with my religion. I was mainly spiritually numb. The turn around in my life, really began to start when I went to Jesus Culture in June. The Lord really broke me of some chains that night. Chains of tradition, rules, and boundaries. That night the Lord convicted me of being apathetic. I felt as though I had no emotions anymore. I felt like there was this brick wall that was holding me back. I couldn’t cry. I didn’t feel. I can remember the term “dead skin” repeating over and over in my head. So that night I began to pray. And I kept praying for my heart. It had become emotionless, and unmoved. Again, the Holy Spirit kept whispering “dead skin” in my ear. Honestly, it kind of confused me… but I prayed, “Remove this layer of dead skin that surrounds my heart.” Not really sure what it meant. After time, it had just become part of my prayers to ask God for a renewal of my heart and to lose my apathetic spirit. So much that I had almost forgotten about it. 
Then three weeks ago, God really (randomly) called me to fight abortion. I remember I was praying and reflecting on the message I had just heard about “the deception from the enemy.” It was exactly what I needed to hear that morning too. (That was such a good sunday!) Anyways, God interrupted my constant talking and told me to fight abortion. His voice was so clear. So, I thought, “Ok… Whatever. Sounds good. I would love to do that.” I knew God called me to fight it, so I needed to know what I was fighting. So I researched it. Since that Sunday, I have never cried so much in my life. I cry when someone mentions abortion or someone talks about miscarriages. I feel like a weight is on my heart when I think about it. I feel. I cry. A lot. and for a few days, I didn’t understand why. 
I remembered the prayer that I had prayed so often. God had removed that dead skin. I looked up an article on dead skin… as gross as that sounds… but here is what I read: “So, how do dead skin cells impact the skin’s health? As the dead skin cells build up on the surface of the skin, they have the potential to act as a barrier to absorption of nutrients.” He removed that dead skin so that I could absorb what he has for me. So that I can hear what he is calling me to do. So I can feel, not just my feelings, but for others. That I can love others. I can have emotions for others. I am motivated and concerned. 
My prayer now is that I will no longer use apathy as an excuse. That I would go after God’s heart whole-heartedly (with no barriers!). I delight in His presence and to hear his words. I am excited to be a vessel in the Kingdom. I am concerned for the eternity of others. After writing this blog, I have the urge to go out and pray for a bunch of strangers and go on a treasure hunt… and just be crazy weird. Crazy like Jesus. To do what he did, through the power of the Holy Spirit. I had been deceived, that I had no power; Satan had fed me lies that I was powerless. I had believed those lies. My heart has been renewed. My faith- restored. And I say these things that you, my friends would hold me accountable. Don’t let me sink back into my cowardice, or desensitized timidity. I have come to the realization that God isn’t going to use me unless, I jump off the edge in complete and total surrender and abandonment.

Memories.

Yesterday I sold my car. This was my first car that I had bought. I had it for two years and I loved that car. The car itself wasn’t that grandiose, but I loved the time I spent in that car. I remember the frustration I felt when I first got the car because I was still learning how to drive a stick shift. One afternoon in particular,  I remember being discouraged almost to the point of tears. After two weeks of practicing and my mom forcing me to drive it, I fell in love. I still was a little uneasy about hills and traffic, so I would go the most out of the way detour to avoid both of those things. I can remember the way it first smelled, when I bought it, back in the day when I worked at Chick-fil-a. I remember last summer when Rissa lived with me, and we had some awesome music time. Everytime we got in the car, Ris would either play “Love in this Club,” and “Four Minutes.” Good times. There was another time when dearest Kayla and I went on a fun photography outing, and I locked my keys in the car. So we sat on a freezing bench and got some weird looks.  I used to always carry my laundry in my car because we were trying to sell my house, and even once we sold it, I managed to keep extra clothes or blankets in the trunk. Doss and Kayla will remember the time when we were star gazing and it got too cold out side so we all tried to lay down in the hatchback with the seats folded down. Again… strange looks. 

   My favorite times however, were the alone times that I spent just driving in my car. Its an escape for me; I love to drive. I love my trips to Savannah; in that four hour drive, I can cry out to God or drive silently to listen to what he has to say. There are certain things that I do to relieve stress: cry, drive, organize or do laundry. A combination of both crying and driving, usually wins the toss. Its the best. If you have never done it, try it. 

   I guess the reason why I am so fond of my old car, is because of the time in my life that I had it. Like I said, I had it for about two years and I have changed so much since then. My personality really changed during that time.. I used to be VERY shy and introverted. I have gotten to know myself better. Recently, however, my life has changed radically. Just in the past few months, I have simply embraced my relationship with God.  I can’t help but be thankful for God beckoning me to Him and calling me into His presence. I have gone from longing for a boyfriend, and riches, to longing for the glory of the Lord, and spiritual gifts. I am so excited to keep growing and blossoming into all that God has for me. 

Thats my little rant. I blog every now and then. I got to blog tonight because, I finished my homework for the week today, so I had free time! I was about to not publish this one because it is somewhat pointless, but I spent time on it, so I might as well.

Bittersweet

That is the best title I can come up with. 

It makes me laugh, because it reminds me of this Kanye West song featuring John Mayer. There is a video on youtube that goes with it. Makes me think of last summer with Riss. I miss you doll.  

This week was a little Bittersweet. I had some crummy situations present themselves to me, but it didn’t affect me too deeply. The Holy Spirit has truly comforted me in my time of need and the Lord has provided encouragement, thanks to different opportunities and some awesome friends who are willing to listen to the Him. In my ECE 103 class, we were talking about depression. My teacher explained depression as being in certain situations and circumstances, where you know you should be happy but you are not. I find that I am reverse depressed. I find myself in situations where the old me, or the “flesh” me would be gloomy and moody for days, allowing myself to wallow in self pity or facing something where I know I should be sad. Now, I just accept whatever trials I face, and I face it with joy. This may be partially because of my laid back tendency, but this goes against my introverted and melancholy self. That is truly a God thing. The Holy Spirit provides joy!  John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” I find I have so much to be thankful for and I should not dwell on what I do not have. God has opened a new door for me to take, and it is going to be scary. Something new is always difficult, but at the same time, it is thrilling. This “open door” is bittersweet. Bitter to leave something behind, but it is sweet to face something new. Though there may be trials and adversity, I am going to face it with Heavenly Joy. 

I have also been really embracing being a daughter of God! I was just reading some of  Proverbs 31… Inspiration for a woman. I am also just really taking advantage of being single! Yes, I am a girl and I desire that romance, but I will have the rest of my life for that. Just like 1 Corinthians 7:34; it basically says an unmarried woman can devote herself wholly to the Lord, both body and soul, and be concerned of the Lords affairs, while a married woman has to also please her husband. Right now I am focusing all my desires for companionship and love towards the Holy Spirit, who the Lord sent to us. Oh How I grateful I am for the Holy Spirit! Such a comforter!

This past week I have been reading Matthew. It has been awesome! As Christians our goal is to live like Christ, but if you were like me, you don’t really know what that is like. I have learned a lot about Christ and how he lived.

Have any of y’all seen the Vintage Jesus videos? I seriously think that is how most Christians and Non-Christians view Jesus. (If you haven’t seen the videos, they are these short clips of old Bible movies, with voice-overs. It makes Jesus look very weak, timid, legalistic and arrogant. A church made these videos to demonstrate that this isn’t what Jesus is like, but with some comedic relief. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAb8qoXraGw&feature=related  You can take it either way…) Take a look at Matthew. He was not some conservative Christian. He is very blunt in his delivery and does not care what other people think. (I have been clinging to his words that he spoke in Matthew 10:22- “All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.”) One of my favorite things to read was Matthew 21:18. Read it. To me it shows both his human-ness and his power, plus the power we possess as Christians through the Holy Spirit. Just read it. So much to be learned in four verses! 

Ok let me just say, I take a lot of time to write blogs. It may take me a few hours or days. In the case of this blog… a few days. And boy, has it been an awesome few days! Man the Lord has been at work! This morning, He confirmed something major at church. Just some awesome testimonies that go right along with my feelings of joy! Its so awesome to have other people in the body who feel the same way you do. Then tonight, my dear friend Timothy spoke at his church. And oh my goodness! Shaka! The Holy Spirit was there! No doubt of that! I prayed for conviction at the beginning of the service, and He gave it to me. (He is always faithful in that way) Through Timothy, He showed me I need to let go of my fear to be all that He has called me to be. I thought he was done and then he dropped the “P” word on me… Pride. That was a bit mind blowing. I had never thought I had pride, but the Lord revealed it to me! He revealed a whole lot more, but I am still letting it sink in. Man the Lord was there speaking to us! 

I think  I am finally getting to a stopping point. I don’t want to bore anyone. I could keep going on about how good he is… but if you know him you know.

 I got a new camera! So I will take you through my week with pictures!

      

This week I took a break from Facebook to focus on reading. It was awesome! I never realized how much time I spend on Facebook. I think I may only get on during the weekend. I got to read a lot of Matthew, like I said, and read some of my woman book (“All I Need is Jesus and a Good Pair of Jeans”). I didn’t get to read much of “When Heaven Invades Earth,” unfortunately. I will next week.

Another one of my passions is decorating! I love it! Me and my momma went to IKEA this past Tuesday; Ah I love that place! When I move out or get married, all my furniture and decore will be from IKEA. I LOVE that New York picture! I have had my eye on it for the longest time.

Me and Doss got sushi on Tuesday night; it was delicious. I tried out at new favorite… Shittake Maki. So good.

                                                                                                              

 I had the pleasure of taking headshots for the lovely Lindsey!

Trish and the stink came into town. This kid is awesome!

This week was the last week of ASP. I am somewhat relieved to have a break from it, but I will miss my kiddos. Can’t wait till next year!

Kayla had a huge get together at her house… it was crazy! So many people! So much fun. Kayla dearest was probably knocked out for two days with all the excitement and people there. She was looking tired, but I am glad she got to be the social butterfly that she is.

Had a good breakfast with my friends and family. Trey was in his element with having all the attention. Have I mentioned I love that kid!? 

Then there was the wedding! I loved getting to be a part of your family and getting to know y’all! Best wishes to you, Chelsea and Russell! 

I promise to blog more! Its such a good way to vent. Happy Memorial Day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

psalm 146:2

“I will praise the Lord as long as I live. I will sing to my God with my dying breath.” (ps. 146:2)

The past few months, I have been seriously challenged in my faith. Tonight  I was looking back on my journal. No, this in not the average journal. After reading embarassing “diaries” from my shameful middle school years, page after page of my boring daily life and “love life” (more like lack of), I decided to only journal my prayers, though they are more like letters to God, or I will write down some notes from scripture or messages. My thoughts have transformed from my selfish flesh desires of jealousy, pride and my overall idolatry. For too long I was putting my loneliness or business ahead of God. My eyes have been opened to God’s power and the power he has given us as his children through the Holy Spirit. For too long I was living too comfortable and lukewarm. I never want to return to that idle state of contentment. My thoughts are no longer on myself, but my thoughts have turned into a constant prayer. I am in no way trying to say, “Look at me!” but I have fallen madly in love with my Savior and have seen him move and work in spectacular ways since I have become crazy in love with Him. For instance, I was looking over my journal and answered prayers.

Here’s a list:  

-I prayed for the desire to thirst for the Word of God, and I am THIRSTY!

-Friday, I was really down and discouraged, and I was nervous about being a leader at this Disciple Now I had last weekend and I prayed that God would give me encouragement. That afternoon, my mom left a note of encouragement in my shoe (my mom has always done really cute things like that) and that Saturday night my sister sent me a long message. That was seriously a God thing!

-This past weekend I had something on my heart, and I prayed for confirmation. I can’t really be specific, but the Lord confirmed it three times.

-Saturday I prayed for  a blessing. Boy, I got it! With the youth group from First Baptist Dallas and Fortified Hills, we went to Rescue Atlanta and with The Samaritans Feet, we got to wash homeless people’s feet and put a new pair of shoes on these truly thankful people. It was a humbling experience. I really love to serve; that is definitely one of my spiritual gifts. (That and encouragement!)

I might also add, God healed my hand from a possible blood clot one Sunday night. All by the Holy Spirit! The power of Faith and Prayer right there!

Before, I put God into a box. A box that had been built from years of Sunday School and pointless bulletins. Meaningless! Meaningless! Meaningless religion! There was no room for spiritual growth in this box; no coloring outside the lines! (I am studying to be an early childhood teacher and I get real defensive when it comes to limiting creativity!!!) It reminds me of one of my favorite Pixar movies, Wall-e. If you have seen the movie, you will understand. The people on this Space Cruise, are living this comfortable life. So comfortable in fact, they are not challenged to do anything. They don’t even have to learn how to walk! They do not have to make decisions and they don’t even know the basics of an education. (I love the scene where the captain is exploring what earth was like and he is looking up words like “dance,” and “ho-down.”) When the captain knows there can be life on earth again, he sees how corrupt and controlling this lifestyle has become. In the end (hate to ruin the story), the people are able to return to earth, but they have to basically relearn all the essentials or foundations of human life. 

I think that is the stage that I am going through right now. I am learning to question more; to have a child-like faith. I am  learning how to pray. Seriously, I am learning how to act like a follower of God should act, and I say this admitting the fact that before my faith was radicalized, I was doing enough to be considered a Christian. I recently read the book “Crazy Love,” by Francis Chan and he wrote something along the lines of, “if we are truly living for God, we will not be asking ‘How little can I do, and still be considered a Christian?” My question is now, “What can else can I do for the one who selfishly gave up his life to save an undeserving sinful people?”

I am done with my rant but I had to say all his and it all just came out when I starting typing on my computer. I really love to write. My fingers cannot type anymore but to conclude, I was challenged with a question in that book:

“What are you doing right now that requires faith?” 

 

Oh and here are some recent pictures!

Cutest Baby EVER! 

 It really is important to have that solid group of friends to pray with and to know they’ve got your back. here are some of the people I have to thank for challenging me and encouraging me in my walk with God:

Doss.

Seester.

The Boys. or should I say men? They are strong leaders and men of great wisdom and faith. (this is a weird picture, but its the closest I’ve got of most of them. I need to take more pictures of them. They have been really influential in my life. My prayer buddies right there!)

KK. 

 

Remain in Him! 1 Chronicles 28:20.

A New Year…

Phew! That year is over; that chapter is closed. Can I just say, I am sort of relieved? What a crazy year! I still cherish all the memories from the past year and still look forward to all God has in store for me in this upcoming year. To catch you up from my last post, after a three year struggle, we sold our house and moved in! We spent Christmas Eve at the new home, of course!

Then there was Christmas… with the Stink. I can’t wait till there are more kids in the family; Christmas isn’t much fun without kids in the mix. It was a good Christmas; plus it was the last Christmas in my old house (sniff, sniff.)

It was a memorable Christmas. I got a lot of stuff for my hope chest: dishes, flatware, cups, and kitchen accessories. Lots of fun!

Then there was New York! Ahhhh… I love that city. This was my third and favorite trip. It was just so much fun to see that amazing city and hangout with your friends in the process. Plus, the place is buzzing with photo opportunities. I have always loved it, and I got to know it much better on this trip.

The Statue of Liberty was amazing! I wish we could have gone inside, but its just as jaw dropping seeing it towering above you. Its such a beautiful symbol, but Lady Liberty, I discovered, is very masculine.

Beth, Beth, Beth. I love her. She is wonderful! I am so glad she went along with having a photoshoot at Ellis Island. Its a beautiful place, and full of history but the architecture is awesome! We had fun!

I loved all the diversity that New York had to offer. The city can be mistaken for rudeness and insensitivity sometimes but if you look past the surface, the people are not as stand offish as they appear.

“Here in these deep city lights, girl could get lost tonight. I’m finding every reason to be gone; nothing here to hold onto. Could I hold onto you?” That Sara Bareilles song was playing on my ipod as we flew home over the city lights of New York. It was an emotionally beautiful moment. So much had been pilling up and this song and the sight I was experiencing brought all that feeling trickling down my face. An overflow of my heart caused by a song and electricity…

I am an awful blogger!

I have to apologize- I have gotten into the mindset that no one cares what I write (which is probably true), so I might as well not write a new post on my blog. And I have been very lazy. But I figured I would fill you in on recent happenings especially since it is close to the end of the year. First off, our house sold. FINALLY! But it is very sad, I love this house and the memories made in it. As I am typing this, I am bundled on the sofa, watching the Christmas lights flicker on the tree and the flames of the fire warm the room. This home is beautiful during Christmas- I love it. However, I really like our new house… Its adorable and has so much character! Secondly, In January I am starting school at North Metro Tech! I’m so excited; I’m a nerd who likes school. Yep. I love learning and being busy. Next semester, I am definitely going to be busy. I am going to school from Monday to Thursday then I will have work, and my nights are usually always busy during the week. Plus I am going to be traveling to Savannah at least twice a month, maybe more. Though I am really sad that Mark, Trish and Trey are leaving, I am pretty excited about driving down there a lot! But I am trying to have a positive outlook on everything. It really makes everything bad when you look negatively on anything that happens to you; that is something that I have been realizing recently. God didn’t have to put me in my situation and bless me with amazing friends and family, but he did. So to end this year (since I probably won’t blog again, based on my past blogging history,) that is how I am setting my outlook on life. 

Seeing as how it has been so long I am going to take you on a tour of the past month or so.

This is Nana. We went to tea one day before Thanksgiving and enjoyed a lot of laughs. She was pretty hilarious this day. I really like hanging out with her, which is sorta new for us. I love her and finally appreciate her.

Me and Trey: This was fun. I rarely get in front of the camera, but I didn’t have many pictures of me and the stink so I figured it wouldn’t hurt just this once.

I did a photoshoot of the Marbut family! They are a beautiful family with a sweet baby boy and a fun loving four year old.

Like I said, I was accepted into North Metro Tech. It is not that great of a school but I am excited. I am getting a degree in Visual Communications which is basically web design and such. If that makes sense. But I had to take a picture to commemorate that exciting moment.

My lovely friends and I have been spending a lot of time together, and recently we went to ru sans and boy was it good! Afterwards we went to Kayla’s house for lunar proximity. We partied like it was 1993. 

Thats the baked California roll, shrimp serviche maki, and pickled cucumber maki. And to clarify, I split this with Elise, I don’t eat that much or spend that much (even though that cost us both $5!)

 

 

I recently died my hair red… again. Elise, my best friend and hair stylist, put red low lights in my hair. She did an awesome job! Here is a picture of me and one of the sweetest little girls from work, my red hair really pops in this picture!

This past weekend, me and some cool folks went to see Manchester Orchestra, All Get Out, Kevin Devine, and Dead Confederate in concert. Manchester was awesome! We had a lot of fun and really enjoyed the concert!

 

I promise I will update soon! I am moving in a few days so I will have pics of that, Christmas and my trip to New York. So be expecting some pictures of this busy and exciting time of year!

The Beauty of the Mac

 I am enjoying Maverick, a lot! My favorite thing right now is ichat. I love it! I get to talk to my heffa every now and then. And just to clarify “heffa” is one of our many nicknames for each other, so she is not offended when I call her this, and vice versa.

 I am experimenting with an editing program by apple, Aperture 2, I have in the past watched many video tutorials on the program but so far I am not pleased at all! I still have about fifteen days left on the trial period but I do not think I will be purchasing it. I am leaning towards Adobe Photoshop Lightroom but I am not sure.

Speaking of photography, I am trying to find a second job. I want to work at a studio but I don’t want to work at the typical photography studio that specializes in yearbook photos, you know. I am desiring experience and exposure to the world of photography.

Here is a recent pic of the cutest baby ever, aka Trey, my nephew.

Shabbat Shalom

   My sister, Trisha, tells me that if I want a good blog that I should post more often. This is me posting more often. I usually think I don’t have anything to say, but once I start typing, the words start coming, which doesn’t make sense, since I am usually not one to say much. I guess people should just read my blog. 

   Ok, one important tid-bit about my life right now, I am now a mac owner. It is a beautiful thing. I never thought I could love a machine so much. I was wrong. After many sleepless nights, tossing and turning over what to name this five pound piece of heaven, I finally came to a conclusion one night while watching my favorite show, Saturday Night Live. Its name is Maverick. Mainly because I bought this jaw-dropping device during the spur of the 2008 Presidential Election. Even though I will unfortunately not be able to vote, I am a fervent supporter of  John McCain and Sarah Palin. I am also a big fan of Tina Fey. So that is why  I named it Maverick. If you don’t understand, try paying attention to the election or at least Saturday Night Live. 

   I am trying to get my photography up and going. So if you know of anyone needing senior pictures, a family shoot, baby pictures, pregnancy pictures… whatever, let me know. Go to my flickr at www.flickr.com/photos/mollyab. I am about to get a good photo editing program so we will see how it goes. I am mainly just working on getting more experience and more work for my portfolio. 

   Last weekend Me, Trish and Mark (and Trey) of course headed to savannah. On this visit we went to look at houses and go to Canvas core group (http://www.savannahcanvas.com.) Markus spoke on journey, and the importance of journey groups. He referenced Acts 2:42, which emphasizes the importance of fellowship, eating together and praying together. That is one thing that i will miss once i move to savannah, is my journey/small group. My best friends are my small group. I have some of the greatest friends. Though Jesus is my everything and I am soley dependent on him (at least i try to be most of the time…), I still thrive for those relationships. Its funny when I think about how the group has changed in the past four years. I first started going with Emma and it was just six of us at the time. Then I told my best friend Kayla she should come… and after about three or four months she did. But it has grown and at the same time gotten smaller but it is just nice to have some girls to talk to and keep each other accountable. My youth group is amazing too. Sunday night,  Mark brought attention to the fact that we should eat together and I love to eat.. so I really agree with this. Every sunday night after Reckless we always go out to eat and though I shouldn’t always do it because of my shrinking bank account and my growing waistline, I cannot tell you how many relationships have been accumulated or strengthened in this time. Its just fun and I think too many times we focus on just going to church and thats it. But as christians we just need time to hangout and socialize. I tend to undermine journey groups too much sometimes and recently I have been missing my journey group and I have been busy but there shouldn’t be an excuse. I have noticed in the last month or so that I have been absent from journey group, God has been a little absent in my life too. I just wanted to continue and be grateful for the amazing group of friends that God has given me and to step up and not only do what God has told us to do but just enjoy the time I have with other Christians.

   Ironically, I have to admit that I missed journey group this week. I have been sick and in need of some family time. Some times it is just also good to rest. Last night Kayla and I, along with some other folks from Genesis, went to Beth Hallel (http://www.bethhallel.org/) for Erev Shabbat. And Rabbi Kevin spoke on “rest.” Though, I am not converting to Judaism anytime soon, I still felt that his message applied to me. Being sick will make you stop. I am not one to sleep in, but on both Thursday and Friday, I slept until 10 and it felt amazing. I felt 95% cured from my cold just because I had gotten about eleven hours of sleep. Its such a simple solution too. Anyways, this synagogue was really cool. It is a messianic jewish synagogue, which means that they believe in Christ and that he is the Messiah. Almost half of the service was in Hebrew, which sounded very foreign but amazing. Of course, most was translated but it was just neat to see the my roots as a Christian and to participate in a service like that of which Christ would have been in, chanting the same verses and excerpts of the Torah. As much as I adore my church, I think a lot of churches have lost that reverance that I saw last night at Beth Hallel. I believe we sometimes become to comfortable and casual in God’s house. I’m not trying to condemn modern or contemporary churches, but I am just saying it was nice to step back and remember that God is present and ready to be praised and glorified in these holy places. For instance, they had a tradition, the opening of the Ark ( I believe that is what it was called.) Two ushers come and open the doors of this wardrobe-looking-thing, and it has two velvet curtains that drape the three Torahs that they have, two of which were Holocaust survivors (a bit of cool trivia for you.) Each covered with symbolic items such as the breastplate with the 12 tribes symbols, and the crowns and shawls with bells and pomegranates. Today I have just been researching Judaism and different religions. I am really interested in learning about other religions now. I am just rambling now. It was just an awesome experience to worship with fellow believers in a way that maybe we are not as used to as Christians, but I would suggest you (whoever is reading this) go and just remember we are ONE body meant to serve ONE God (or G-D as the Jews would write it. Ok, I’m sorry I will stop with the Jewish culture trivia right now.)

And you can also go listen to Mark’s message on iTunes. Just type in Canvas Church in the iTunes search bar and look under podcasts!